Adolf Hitler was conducting a General Staff meeting, when somebody sneezed.
"Who was that!?" shouted Hitler, whirling around from a wall map of Europe. Nobody said anything.
"I see," he said, "I will have 10 of you shot. And maybe then you will tell me who sneezed?"
A Gestapo agent took 10 people out of the room. Shots were heard, then silence.
"I will ask again," yelled Hitler, "who sneezed?" Again, nobody said anything.
"Very well," he said, "I will have another 10 of you shot!"
The Gestapo agent escorted 10 more people out of the room and executed them.
"For the very last time," screamed Hitler, "Who sneezed?"
Finally the guilty officer could stand no more. He stood up and said, "It was me, I am the one who sneezed."
Hitler slowly approached the shaking officer and said, "God Bless you."
courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
Monday, December 28, 2009
Arrested for Laughing
This is from an actual trial in the UK, A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing, She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'
The case was dismissed!
courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing, She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'
The case was dismissed!
courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
CAR names
Who said car names don't have meaning?
BMW: Brings Me Women.
FIAT: Failure in Italian Automotive Technology.
FORD: For Only Rough Drivers.
HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive....
VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object.
PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything.
OPEL: Old People Enjoying Life
TOYOTA: The One You Only Trust, Always.
GOLF/GTI: Girls Only Love Fun / Get Them Inside
HONDA: Hanged Over, Now Driving Away.
courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
BMW: Brings Me Women.
FIAT: Failure in Italian Automotive Technology.
FORD: For Only Rough Drivers.
HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive....
VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object.
PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything.
OPEL: Old People Enjoying Life
TOYOTA: The One You Only Trust, Always.
GOLF/GTI: Girls Only Love Fun / Get Them Inside
HONDA: Hanged Over, Now Driving Away.
courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
A Forgiving Heart
Lisa sat on the floor of her old room, staring at the box that lay in front of her. It was an old shoe box that she had decorated to become a memory box many years before. Stickers and penciled flowers covered the top and sides. Its edges were worn, the corners of the lid taped so as to keep their shape. It had been three years since Lisa last opened the box. A sudden move to Boston had kept her from packing it. But now that she was back home, she took the time to look again at the memories. Fingering the corners of the box and stroking its cover, Lisa pictured in her mind what was inside. There was a photo of the family trip to the Grand Canyon, a note from her friend telling her that Nick Bicotti liked her, and the Indian arrowhead she had found while on her senior class trip. One by one, she remembered the items in the box, lingering over the sweetest, until she came to the last and only painful memory. She knew what it looked like--a single sheet of paper upon which lines had been drawn to form boxes, 490 of them to be exact. And each box contained a check mark, one for each time.
********
"How many times must I forgive my brother?" the disciple Peter had asked Jesus. "Seven times?"
Lisa's Sunday school teacher had read Jesus' surprise answer to the class. "Seventy times seven." Lisa had leaned over to her brother Brent as the teacher continued reading. "How many times is that?" she whispered. Brent, though two years younger, was smarter than she was. "Four hundred and ninety," Brent wrote on the corner of his Sunday school paper.
Lisa saw the message, nodded, and sat back in her chair. She watched her brother as the lesson continued. He was small for his age, with narrow shoulders and short arms. His glasses were too large for his face, and his hair always matted in swirls. He bordered on being a nerd, but his incredible skills at everything, especially music, made him popular with his classmates. Brent had learned to play the piano at age four, the clarinet at age seven, and had just begun to play the oboe. His music teachers said he'd be a famous musician someday. There was only one thing at which Lisa was better than Brent--basketball. They played it almost every afternoon after school. Brent could have refused to play, but he knew that it was Lisa's only joy in the midst of her struggles to get C's and D's at school.
Lisa's attention came back to her Sunday school teacher as the woman finished the lesson and closed with prayer. That same Sunday afternoon found brother and sister playing basketball in the driveway. It was then that the counting had begun. Brent was guarding Lisa as she dribbled toward the basket. He had tried to bat the ball away, got his face near her elbow, and took a shot on the chin. "Ow!" he cried out and turned away. Lisa saw her opening and drove to the basket, making an easy lay-up. She gloated over her success but stopped when she saw Brent. "You okay?" she asked. Brent shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry," Lisa said. "Really. It was a cheap shot."
"It's all right. I forgive you," he said.
A thin smile then formed on his face. "Just 489 more times though."
"Whaddaya mean?" Lisa asked.
"You know . . . what we learned in Sunday school today. You're supposed to forgive someone 490 times. I just forgave you, so now you have 489 left," he kidded. The two of them laughed at the thought of keeping track of every time Lisa had done something to Brent. They were sure she had gone past 490 long ago. The rain interrupted their game, and the two moved indoors. "Wanna play Battleship?" Lisa asked. Brent agreed, and they were soon on the floor of the living room with their game boards in front of them. Each took turns calling out a letter and number combination, hoping to hit each other's ships. Lisa knew she was in trouble as the game went on. Brent had only lost one ship out of five. Lisa had lost three. Desperate to win, she found herself leaning over the edge of Brent's barrier ever so slightly. She was thus able to see where Brent had placed two of his ships. She quickly evened the score.
Pleased, Lisa searched once more for the location of the last two ships. She peered over the barrier again, but this time Brent caught her in the act. "Hey, you're cheating!" He stared at her in disbelief.. Lisa's face turned red. Her lips quivered. "I'm sorry," she said, staring at the carpet. There was not much Brent could say. He knew Lisa sometimes did things like this. He felt sorry that Lisa found so few things she could do well. It was wrong for her to cheat, but he knew the temptation was hard for her.
"Okay, I forgive you," Brent said. Then he added with a small laugh, "I guess it's down to 488 now, huh?"
"Yeah, I guess so." She returned his kindness with a weak smile and added, "Thanks for being my brother, Brent."
Brent's forgiving spirit gripped Lisa, and she wanted him to know how sorry she was. It was that evening that she made the chart with the 490 boxes. She showed it to him before he went to bed. "We can keep track of every time I mess up and you forgive me," she said. "See, I'll put a check in each box--like this." She placed two marks in the upper left-hand boxes. "These are for today."
Brent raised his hands to protest. "You don't need to keep--"
"Yes I do!" Lisa interrupted. "You're always forgiving me, and I want to keep track. Just let me do this!" She went back to her room and tacked the chart to her bulletin board.
There were many opportunities to fill in the chart in the years that followed. She once told the kids at school that Brent talked in his sleep and called out Rhonda Hill's name, even though it wasn't true. The teasing caused Brent days and days of misery. When she realized how cruel she had been, Lisa apologized sincerely. That night she marked box number 96.. Forgiveness number 211 came in the tenth grade when Lisa failed to bring home Brent's English book. Brent had stayed home sick that day and had asked her to bring it so he could study for a quiz. She forgot and he got a C. Number 393 was for lost keys . . . 418 for the extra bleach she put in the washer which ruined his favorite polo shirt . . . 449, the dent she put in his car when she had borrowed it. There was a small ceremony when Lisa checked number 490. She used a gold pen for the check mark, had Brent sign the chart, and then placed it in her memory box.
"I guess that's the end," Lisa said. "No more screw-ups from me anymore!" Brent just laughed.
"Yeah, right." Number 491 was just another one of Lisa's careless mistakes, but its hurt lasted a lifetime. Brent had become all that his music teachers said he would. Few could play the oboe better than he could. In his fourth year at the best music school in the United States, he received the opportunity of a lifetime--a chance to try out for New York City's great orchestra.
The tryout would be held sometime during the following two weeks. It would have been the fulfillment of Brent's young dreams. But he never got the chance to tryout. Brent had been out when the call about the tryout came to the house. Lisa was the only one home and on her way out the door, eager to get to work on time when the call came.
"Two-thirty on the tenth," the secretary said on the phone.
Lisa did not have a pen, but she told herself that she could remember it. "Got it. Thanks." I can remember that, she thought. But she did not.
It was a week later at the dinner table when Lisa realized her mistake.
"So, Brent," his mom asked him, "When do you try out?"
"Don't know yet. They're supposed to call."
Lisa froze in her seat."Oh, no!" she blurted out loud. "What's today's date? Quick!"
"It's the twelfth," her dad answered. "Why?"
A terrible pain ripped through Lisa's heart. She buried her face in her hands, crying. "Lisa, what's the matter?" her mother asked. Through sobs Lisa explained what had happened. "It was two days ago . .. the tryout . . . two-thirty . . . the call came . . . last week." Brent sat back in his chair, not believing Lisa.
"Is this one of your jokes, sis?" he asked, though he could tell her misery was real. She shook her head, still unable to look at him. "Then I really missed it?"
She nodded. Brent ran out of the kitchen without a word. He did not come out of his room the rest of the evening. Lisa tried once to knock on the door, but she could not face him. She went to her room where she cried bitterly. Suddenly she knew what she had to do. She had ruined Brent's life. He could never forgive her for that. She had failed her family, and there was nothing to do but to leave home. Lisa packed her pickup truck in the middle of the night and left a note behind, telling her folks she'd be all right. She began writing a note to Brent, but her words sounded empty to her. "Nothing I say could make a difference anyway," she thought.
Two days later she got a job as a waitress in Boston. She found an apartment not too far from the restaurant. Her parents tried many times to reach her, but Lisa ignored their letters. "It's too late," she wrote them once, "I've ruined Brent's life, and I'm not coming back." Lisa did not think she would ever see home again. But one day in the restaurant where she worked she saw a face she knew. "Lisa!" said Mrs. Nelson, looking up from her plate. "What a surprise." The woman was a friend of Lisa's family from back home. "I was so sorry to hear about your brother," Mrs. Nelson said softly. "Such a terrible accident. But we can be thankful that he died quickly. He didn't suffer." Lisa stared at the woman in shock.
"Wh-hat?" she finally stammered.
It couldn't be! Her brother? Dead? The woman quickly saw that Lisa did not know about the accident. She told the girl the sad story of the speeding car, the rush to the hospital, the doctors working over Brent. But all they could do was not enough to save him. Lisa returned home that afternoon.
********
Now she found herself in her room thinking about her brother as she held the small box that containing some of her memories of him. Sadly, she opened the box and peered inside. It was as she remembered, except for one item--Brent's chart. It was not there. In its place, at the bottom of the box, was an envelope. Her hands shook as she tore it open and removed a letter.
The first page read:
Dear Lisa,
It was you who kept count, not me. But if you're stubborn enough to keep count, use the new chart I've made for you.
Love,
Brent
Lisa turned to the second page where she found a chart just like the one she had made as a child, but on this one the lines were drawn with perfect precision. And unlike the chart she had kept, there was but one checkmark in the upper left-hand corner. Written in red felt tip pen over the entire page were the words: "Number 491. Forgiven, forever."
********
"How many times must I forgive my brother?" the disciple Peter had asked Jesus. "Seven times?"
Lisa's Sunday school teacher had read Jesus' surprise answer to the class. "Seventy times seven." Lisa had leaned over to her brother Brent as the teacher continued reading. "How many times is that?" she whispered. Brent, though two years younger, was smarter than she was. "Four hundred and ninety," Brent wrote on the corner of his Sunday school paper.
Lisa saw the message, nodded, and sat back in her chair. She watched her brother as the lesson continued. He was small for his age, with narrow shoulders and short arms. His glasses were too large for his face, and his hair always matted in swirls. He bordered on being a nerd, but his incredible skills at everything, especially music, made him popular with his classmates. Brent had learned to play the piano at age four, the clarinet at age seven, and had just begun to play the oboe. His music teachers said he'd be a famous musician someday. There was only one thing at which Lisa was better than Brent--basketball. They played it almost every afternoon after school. Brent could have refused to play, but he knew that it was Lisa's only joy in the midst of her struggles to get C's and D's at school.
Lisa's attention came back to her Sunday school teacher as the woman finished the lesson and closed with prayer. That same Sunday afternoon found brother and sister playing basketball in the driveway. It was then that the counting had begun. Brent was guarding Lisa as she dribbled toward the basket. He had tried to bat the ball away, got his face near her elbow, and took a shot on the chin. "Ow!" he cried out and turned away. Lisa saw her opening and drove to the basket, making an easy lay-up. She gloated over her success but stopped when she saw Brent. "You okay?" she asked. Brent shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry," Lisa said. "Really. It was a cheap shot."
"It's all right. I forgive you," he said.
A thin smile then formed on his face. "Just 489 more times though."
"Whaddaya mean?" Lisa asked.
"You know . . . what we learned in Sunday school today. You're supposed to forgive someone 490 times. I just forgave you, so now you have 489 left," he kidded. The two of them laughed at the thought of keeping track of every time Lisa had done something to Brent. They were sure she had gone past 490 long ago. The rain interrupted their game, and the two moved indoors. "Wanna play Battleship?" Lisa asked. Brent agreed, and they were soon on the floor of the living room with their game boards in front of them. Each took turns calling out a letter and number combination, hoping to hit each other's ships. Lisa knew she was in trouble as the game went on. Brent had only lost one ship out of five. Lisa had lost three. Desperate to win, she found herself leaning over the edge of Brent's barrier ever so slightly. She was thus able to see where Brent had placed two of his ships. She quickly evened the score.
Pleased, Lisa searched once more for the location of the last two ships. She peered over the barrier again, but this time Brent caught her in the act. "Hey, you're cheating!" He stared at her in disbelief.. Lisa's face turned red. Her lips quivered. "I'm sorry," she said, staring at the carpet. There was not much Brent could say. He knew Lisa sometimes did things like this. He felt sorry that Lisa found so few things she could do well. It was wrong for her to cheat, but he knew the temptation was hard for her.
"Okay, I forgive you," Brent said. Then he added with a small laugh, "I guess it's down to 488 now, huh?"
"Yeah, I guess so." She returned his kindness with a weak smile and added, "Thanks for being my brother, Brent."
Brent's forgiving spirit gripped Lisa, and she wanted him to know how sorry she was. It was that evening that she made the chart with the 490 boxes. She showed it to him before he went to bed. "We can keep track of every time I mess up and you forgive me," she said. "See, I'll put a check in each box--like this." She placed two marks in the upper left-hand boxes. "These are for today."
Brent raised his hands to protest. "You don't need to keep--"
"Yes I do!" Lisa interrupted. "You're always forgiving me, and I want to keep track. Just let me do this!" She went back to her room and tacked the chart to her bulletin board.
There were many opportunities to fill in the chart in the years that followed. She once told the kids at school that Brent talked in his sleep and called out Rhonda Hill's name, even though it wasn't true. The teasing caused Brent days and days of misery. When she realized how cruel she had been, Lisa apologized sincerely. That night she marked box number 96.. Forgiveness number 211 came in the tenth grade when Lisa failed to bring home Brent's English book. Brent had stayed home sick that day and had asked her to bring it so he could study for a quiz. She forgot and he got a C. Number 393 was for lost keys . . . 418 for the extra bleach she put in the washer which ruined his favorite polo shirt . . . 449, the dent she put in his car when she had borrowed it. There was a small ceremony when Lisa checked number 490. She used a gold pen for the check mark, had Brent sign the chart, and then placed it in her memory box.
"I guess that's the end," Lisa said. "No more screw-ups from me anymore!" Brent just laughed.
"Yeah, right." Number 491 was just another one of Lisa's careless mistakes, but its hurt lasted a lifetime. Brent had become all that his music teachers said he would. Few could play the oboe better than he could. In his fourth year at the best music school in the United States, he received the opportunity of a lifetime--a chance to try out for New York City's great orchestra.
The tryout would be held sometime during the following two weeks. It would have been the fulfillment of Brent's young dreams. But he never got the chance to tryout. Brent had been out when the call about the tryout came to the house. Lisa was the only one home and on her way out the door, eager to get to work on time when the call came.
"Two-thirty on the tenth," the secretary said on the phone.
Lisa did not have a pen, but she told herself that she could remember it. "Got it. Thanks." I can remember that, she thought. But she did not.
It was a week later at the dinner table when Lisa realized her mistake.
"So, Brent," his mom asked him, "When do you try out?"
"Don't know yet. They're supposed to call."
Lisa froze in her seat."Oh, no!" she blurted out loud. "What's today's date? Quick!"
"It's the twelfth," her dad answered. "Why?"
A terrible pain ripped through Lisa's heart. She buried her face in her hands, crying. "Lisa, what's the matter?" her mother asked. Through sobs Lisa explained what had happened. "It was two days ago . .. the tryout . . . two-thirty . . . the call came . . . last week." Brent sat back in his chair, not believing Lisa.
"Is this one of your jokes, sis?" he asked, though he could tell her misery was real. She shook her head, still unable to look at him. "Then I really missed it?"
She nodded. Brent ran out of the kitchen without a word. He did not come out of his room the rest of the evening. Lisa tried once to knock on the door, but she could not face him. She went to her room where she cried bitterly. Suddenly she knew what she had to do. She had ruined Brent's life. He could never forgive her for that. She had failed her family, and there was nothing to do but to leave home. Lisa packed her pickup truck in the middle of the night and left a note behind, telling her folks she'd be all right. She began writing a note to Brent, but her words sounded empty to her. "Nothing I say could make a difference anyway," she thought.
Two days later she got a job as a waitress in Boston. She found an apartment not too far from the restaurant. Her parents tried many times to reach her, but Lisa ignored their letters. "It's too late," she wrote them once, "I've ruined Brent's life, and I'm not coming back." Lisa did not think she would ever see home again. But one day in the restaurant where she worked she saw a face she knew. "Lisa!" said Mrs. Nelson, looking up from her plate. "What a surprise." The woman was a friend of Lisa's family from back home. "I was so sorry to hear about your brother," Mrs. Nelson said softly. "Such a terrible accident. But we can be thankful that he died quickly. He didn't suffer." Lisa stared at the woman in shock.
"Wh-hat?" she finally stammered.
It couldn't be! Her brother? Dead? The woman quickly saw that Lisa did not know about the accident. She told the girl the sad story of the speeding car, the rush to the hospital, the doctors working over Brent. But all they could do was not enough to save him. Lisa returned home that afternoon.
********
Now she found herself in her room thinking about her brother as she held the small box that containing some of her memories of him. Sadly, she opened the box and peered inside. It was as she remembered, except for one item--Brent's chart. It was not there. In its place, at the bottom of the box, was an envelope. Her hands shook as she tore it open and removed a letter.
The first page read:
Dear Lisa,
It was you who kept count, not me. But if you're stubborn enough to keep count, use the new chart I've made for you.
Love,
Brent
Lisa turned to the second page where she found a chart just like the one she had made as a child, but on this one the lines were drawn with perfect precision. And unlike the chart she had kept, there was but one checkmark in the upper left-hand corner. Written in red felt tip pen over the entire page were the words: "Number 491. Forgiven, forever."
Monday, November 16, 2009
God's Love Story
This is an excerpt of an article from sambuhay the Year 19 No. 45 issue on February 26, 2006. It was the 8th Sunday in Ordinary Time. The article was written by Fr. James H. Kroeger, M.M.
On those rough moments when I felt so down because a loved one left me, so confused and bewildered as to why such things happened, so rejected despite all the love and care that I offered, I suddenly stumbled upon this article, which I hung on until now, which surprisingly, saved me from eternal mourning of the loss. It helped me survive such a bitter ordeal in life and eventually showed me the way. God's Words have been spoken.
***It began...
...The Bible is an exceedingly rich book containing a wide panorama of literary pieces through which God's inspired Word is communicated. Look closely and you will find history, prophecy, prayers, poetry, and yes, even love stories! In fact, the entire Bible is a record of God's great love story with humanity.
Today's First Reading is from the prophet Hosea, one of the twelve so-called minor prophets of the Old Testament. They are "minor" simply because their messages are comparatively short. Hosea is also called the "Prophet of Tenderness" because he expresses God's abiding love for his people using the symbolism of marriage, the relationship between a husband and his wife.
Who is this man Hosea? What happens in his life that leads him to see that God/Yahweh deeply loves his people? Why does Hosea choose to describe God's closeness, intimacy, and tenderness for the Chosen People using the marital relationship?
Hosea's writings may have been rooted in his own unfortunate marriage to Gomer, a personal tragedy that profoundly shapes his message. He experiences deep pain in his married life - a story of broken love and infidelity.
Gomer betrays Hosea's love. She bears him three children, but she is unfaithful. Hosea divorces her but finds that his love is too great to permit a final separation. And so he strives to win her back, to allure and court her again. Hosea cannot shun his wife forever even when she plays the harlot!
Imagine the pain that this sensitive and emotional man feels. He loves Gomer despite what she has done. From his experience, Hosea has prophetic insight into God's love for the People of Israel: God loves his people as a husband loves his spouse.
What happens next? Hosea describes how God begins the courtship all over again: he will "speak to her heart"; he "will lead her into the desert," a symbol of their "first love" (2:16-17). Hosea [God] will forgive the infidelity of Gomer [Israel] - if only she will humbly return to him.
Hosea transfers to Yahweh his own emotional conflict. He presents Yahweh as moved by two conflicting emotions: the sentiment of justice, which moves him to punish Israel by irreparable destruction, and his love of Israel as passionate as the love of a man for a woman.
Yahweh's tenderness and forgiveness emerge. He admits: "My heart is overwhelmed, my pity is stirred" (11:8) He declares: "I will espouse you to me forever...in love and mercy; I will espouse you in fidelity and you shall know the Lord" (2:21-22).
Are you moved by this love story? I hope so! Such is God's tender love for us sinners (see Rom 5:8). Yes, he may chastise us for our wrongdoing, but it is the chastisement of the jealous lover who longs to bring back the beloved to the fresh and pure joy of their first love.
Such is our God, truly a God of love! Such is Christ and his love for the Church! God is always ready to forgive while a man may seek revenge or repayment. In the words of the song "Hosea," God says: "Long have I waited for your coming home to me and living deeply our new life." Yes, "the Lord is kind and merciful" (Ps 103)...***
There are still a couple of paragraphs after that which talks about the coming of Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent.
At some points, we may have been Gomer who wronged others badly and needed chastisement and forgiveness. We might find it difficult and may not be able to expect others to forgive us nor forgive our own very selves. But sometimes, we could be Hosea, full of love and compassion and understanding, but was betrayed and rejected. Would we find it even more difficult to follow what Hosea did? Or shall we succumb to our humanly nature for self-preservation and listen to our pride's nagging not to reconsider? What if we became Gomer and Hosea decided not to forgive?
Fortunately, that did not happen. God's love ruled on everything and we should pay Him forward.
On those rough moments when I felt so down because a loved one left me, so confused and bewildered as to why such things happened, so rejected despite all the love and care that I offered, I suddenly stumbled upon this article, which I hung on until now, which surprisingly, saved me from eternal mourning of the loss. It helped me survive such a bitter ordeal in life and eventually showed me the way. God's Words have been spoken.
***It began...
...The Bible is an exceedingly rich book containing a wide panorama of literary pieces through which God's inspired Word is communicated. Look closely and you will find history, prophecy, prayers, poetry, and yes, even love stories! In fact, the entire Bible is a record of God's great love story with humanity.
Today's First Reading is from the prophet Hosea, one of the twelve so-called minor prophets of the Old Testament. They are "minor" simply because their messages are comparatively short. Hosea is also called the "Prophet of Tenderness" because he expresses God's abiding love for his people using the symbolism of marriage, the relationship between a husband and his wife.
Who is this man Hosea? What happens in his life that leads him to see that God/Yahweh deeply loves his people? Why does Hosea choose to describe God's closeness, intimacy, and tenderness for the Chosen People using the marital relationship?
Hosea's writings may have been rooted in his own unfortunate marriage to Gomer, a personal tragedy that profoundly shapes his message. He experiences deep pain in his married life - a story of broken love and infidelity.
Gomer betrays Hosea's love. She bears him three children, but she is unfaithful. Hosea divorces her but finds that his love is too great to permit a final separation. And so he strives to win her back, to allure and court her again. Hosea cannot shun his wife forever even when she plays the harlot!
Imagine the pain that this sensitive and emotional man feels. He loves Gomer despite what she has done. From his experience, Hosea has prophetic insight into God's love for the People of Israel: God loves his people as a husband loves his spouse.
What happens next? Hosea describes how God begins the courtship all over again: he will "speak to her heart"; he "will lead her into the desert," a symbol of their "first love" (2:16-17). Hosea [God] will forgive the infidelity of Gomer [Israel] - if only she will humbly return to him.
Hosea transfers to Yahweh his own emotional conflict. He presents Yahweh as moved by two conflicting emotions: the sentiment of justice, which moves him to punish Israel by irreparable destruction, and his love of Israel as passionate as the love of a man for a woman.
Yahweh's tenderness and forgiveness emerge. He admits: "My heart is overwhelmed, my pity is stirred" (11:8) He declares: "I will espouse you to me forever...in love and mercy; I will espouse you in fidelity and you shall know the Lord" (2:21-22).
Are you moved by this love story? I hope so! Such is God's tender love for us sinners (see Rom 5:8). Yes, he may chastise us for our wrongdoing, but it is the chastisement of the jealous lover who longs to bring back the beloved to the fresh and pure joy of their first love.
Such is our God, truly a God of love! Such is Christ and his love for the Church! God is always ready to forgive while a man may seek revenge or repayment. In the words of the song "Hosea," God says: "Long have I waited for your coming home to me and living deeply our new life." Yes, "the Lord is kind and merciful" (Ps 103)...***
There are still a couple of paragraphs after that which talks about the coming of Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent.
At some points, we may have been Gomer who wronged others badly and needed chastisement and forgiveness. We might find it difficult and may not be able to expect others to forgive us nor forgive our own very selves. But sometimes, we could be Hosea, full of love and compassion and understanding, but was betrayed and rejected. Would we find it even more difficult to follow what Hosea did? Or shall we succumb to our humanly nature for self-preservation and listen to our pride's nagging not to reconsider? What if we became Gomer and Hosea decided not to forgive?
Fortunately, that did not happen. God's love ruled on everything and we should pay Him forward.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
MBA and the fisherman!
American businessman was at a pier in a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow-fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied only a little while, The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish?
The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.
The American then asked the Mexican how he spent the rest of his time.
The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and, with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution.
"You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."
The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15-20 years."
"But what then, senor?" asked the Mexican.
The American laughed, and said, "That's the best part! When the time is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public. You'll become very rich, you would make millions!"
"Millions, senor?" replied the Mexican. "Then what?"
The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."
Then the Mexican Fisherman says: THEN WHAT AM I DOING NOW?
-end-
courtesy by: www.funtoosh.com
The Mexican replied only a little while, The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish?
The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.
The American then asked the Mexican how he spent the rest of his time.
The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and, with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution.
"You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."
The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15-20 years."
"But what then, senor?" asked the Mexican.
The American laughed, and said, "That's the best part! When the time is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public. You'll become very rich, you would make millions!"
"Millions, senor?" replied the Mexican. "Then what?"
The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."
Then the Mexican Fisherman says: THEN WHAT AM I DOING NOW?
-end-
courtesy by: www.funtoosh.com
Monday, June 22, 2009
The New Hospital Wing
When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised against rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians stated they were all labouring under a misconception.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted, the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body", while the Pediatricians said, "Grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Radiologists could see right through it!
The physicians thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologist didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some butt hole in Administration.
-end-
-courtesy of www.funtoosh.com-
The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians stated they were all labouring under a misconception.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted, the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body", while the Pediatricians said, "Grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Radiologists could see right through it!
The physicians thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologist didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some butt hole in Administration.
-end-
-courtesy of www.funtoosh.com-
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Women-oh- Women
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant
you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed
to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish
for, your husband will get Ten times of that The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will
flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful
Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most
beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, That will make your husband the richest man in the
world and he will be ten times richer than you.
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack!!"
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you, Stop
here and continue feeling good.....
Male readers: Continue
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
PS: If you are a woman and is still reading this, it only goes to
show that women never listen!!! that is why you read it even after
our advise to stop!
-end-
-courtesy by www.funtoosh.com-
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant
you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed
to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish
for, your husband will get Ten times of that The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will
flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful
Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most
beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, That will make your husband the richest man in the
world and he will be ten times richer than you.
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack!!"
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you, Stop
here and continue feeling good.....
Male readers: Continue
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
PS: If you are a woman and is still reading this, it only goes to
show that women never listen!!! that is why you read it even after
our advise to stop!
-end-
-courtesy by www.funtoosh.com-
Women-oh- Women
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant
you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed
to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish
for, your husband will get Ten times of that The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will
flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful
Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most
beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, That will make your husband the richest man in the
world and he will be ten times richer than you.
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack!!"
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you, Stop
here and continue feeling good.....
Male readers: Continue
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
PS: If you are a woman and is still reading this, it only goes to
show that women never listen!!! that is why you read it even after
our advise to stop!
-end-
-courtesy by www.funtoosh.com-
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant
you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed
to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish
for, your husband will get Ten times of that The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will
flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful
Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most
beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, That will make your husband the richest man in the
world and he will be ten times richer than you.
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack!!"
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you, Stop
here and continue feeling good.....
Male readers: Continue
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
PS: If you are a woman and is still reading this, it only goes to
show that women never listen!!! that is why you read it even after
our advise to stop!
-end-
-courtesy by www.funtoosh.com-
Monday, May 11, 2009
Getting Married in Heaven
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.
The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.
St. Peter said, “I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out.” and he leaves.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. “What if it doesn't work?” they wondered, “Are we stuck together forever?”
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.
“Yes,” he informs the couple, “you can get married in Heaven.”
“Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his foot onto the ground.
“What's wrong?” asked the frightened couple.
“OH, COME ON!” St. Peter shouted, “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?!”
-end
-courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.
St. Peter said, “I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out.” and he leaves.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. “What if it doesn't work?” they wondered, “Are we stuck together forever?”
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.
“Yes,” he informs the couple, “you can get married in Heaven.”
“Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his foot onto the ground.
“What's wrong?” asked the frightened couple.
“OH, COME ON!” St. Peter shouted, “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?!”
-end
-courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
Unlocking Men
IT'S A GUY THING
Translated:* There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?
Translated:* Why isn't it already on the table?
UH HUH, SURE, HONEY, OR YES, DEAR
Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN
Translated:* I have no idea how it works.
TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD.
Translated:* I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR.
Translated:* Are you still talking?
YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.
Translated:* I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car
I've ever owned but I forgot your birthday.
OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
Translated:* I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt.
HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING.
Translated:* And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.
I CAN'T FIND IT.
Translated:* It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.
WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?
Translated:* What did you catch me at?
I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.
Translated:* No one will ever see us alive again.
WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.
Translated:* I make the messes; she cleans them up.
-end
-courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
Translated:* There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?
Translated:* Why isn't it already on the table?
UH HUH, SURE, HONEY, OR YES, DEAR
Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN
Translated:* I have no idea how it works.
TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD.
Translated:* I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR.
Translated:* Are you still talking?
YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.
Translated:* I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car
I've ever owned but I forgot your birthday.
OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
Translated:* I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt.
HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING.
Translated:* And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.
I CAN'T FIND IT.
Translated:* It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.
WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?
Translated:* What did you catch me at?
I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.
Translated:* No one will ever see us alive again.
WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.
Translated:* I make the messes; she cleans them up.
-end
-courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
Unlocking Men
IT'S A GUY THING
Translated:* There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?
Translated:* Why isn't it already on the table?
UH HUH, SURE, HONEY, OR YES, DEAR
Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN
Translated:* I have no idea how it works.
TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD.
Translated:* I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR.
Translated:* Are you still talking?
YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.
Translated:* I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car
I've ever owned but I forgot your birthday.
OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
Translated:* I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt.
HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING.
Translated:* And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.
I CAN'T FIND IT.
Translated:* It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.
WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?
Translated:* What did you catch me at?
I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.
Translated:* No one will ever see us alive again.
WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.
Translated:* I make the messes; she cleans them up.
-end
-courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
Translated:* There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?
Translated:* Why isn't it already on the table?
UH HUH, SURE, HONEY, OR YES, DEAR
Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN
Translated:* I have no idea how it works.
TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD.
Translated:* I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR.
Translated:* Are you still talking?
YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.
Translated:* I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car
I've ever owned but I forgot your birthday.
OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
Translated:* I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt.
HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING.
Translated:* And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.
I CAN'T FIND IT.
Translated:* It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.
WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?
Translated:* What did you catch me at?
I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.
Translated:* No one will ever see us alive again.
WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.
Translated:* I make the messes; she cleans them up.
-end
-courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
Lemon Squeeze at the Bar
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man
around that they had a standing Rs 10,000 bet. The bartender would
squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the
lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice
out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time but nobody could do it. One day,
a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses.
"I'd like to try the bet," he said in a tiny, squeaky voice.
After the laughter had died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon,
and squeezed away. He handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to
the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as
the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into
the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000 and asked
the little man what he did for a living. Was he a lumberjack,
or a weightlifter, or what?
"I work for the Income Tax department."
-end
-courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
around that they had a standing Rs 10,000 bet. The bartender would
squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the
lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice
out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time but nobody could do it. One day,
a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses.
"I'd like to try the bet," he said in a tiny, squeaky voice.
After the laughter had died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon,
and squeezed away. He handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to
the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as
the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into
the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000 and asked
the little man what he did for a living. Was he a lumberjack,
or a weightlifter, or what?
"I work for the Income Tax department."
-end
-courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Good Luck Bad Luck!
There is a Chinese story of a farmer who used an old horse to till the fields.
One day, the horse escaped into the hills and when the farmer's neighbors sympathized with the old man over his bad luck, the farmer replied, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?"
A week later, the horse returned with a herd of horses from the hills and this time the neighbors congratulated the farmer on his good luck.
His reply was, "Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?"
Then, when the farmer's son was attempting to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone thought this very bad luck. Not the farmer, whose only reaction was, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?"
Some weeks later, the army marched into the village and conscripted every able-bodied youth they found there. When they saw the farmer's son with his broken leg, they let him off.
Now, was that good luck or bad luck?
Who knows?
Some that seems on the surface to be evil may be good in disguise.
And some that seems good on the surface may really be evil.
So we are wise when we leave it to God to decide what is good fortune and what is misfortune, and thank him that all things turn out for good with those who love him.
-end-
-author unkown-
One day, the horse escaped into the hills and when the farmer's neighbors sympathized with the old man over his bad luck, the farmer replied, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?"
A week later, the horse returned with a herd of horses from the hills and this time the neighbors congratulated the farmer on his good luck.
His reply was, "Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?"
Then, when the farmer's son was attempting to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone thought this very bad luck. Not the farmer, whose only reaction was, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?"
Some weeks later, the army marched into the village and conscripted every able-bodied youth they found there. When they saw the farmer's son with his broken leg, they let him off.
Now, was that good luck or bad luck?
Who knows?
Some that seems on the surface to be evil may be good in disguise.
And some that seems good on the surface may really be evil.
So we are wise when we leave it to God to decide what is good fortune and what is misfortune, and thank him that all things turn out for good with those who love him.
-end-
-author unkown-
Friday, March 27, 2009
The Friendship Poem
Are you tired of all those sissy, mushy "friendship" poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship!
1. When you are sad... I'll get you drunk (or gorge on chocolate) & help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue... I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile... I'll know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared... I will rag you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried... I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused... I will use little words to explain.
7. When you are sick... stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath... I pledge till the end. Why you may ask? Because you're my true friend!
*courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
1. When you are sad... I'll get you drunk (or gorge on chocolate) & help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue... I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile... I'll know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared... I will rag you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried... I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused... I will use little words to explain.
7. When you are sick... stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath... I pledge till the end. Why you may ask? Because you're my true friend!
*courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Weird AMERICAN Life
See how the life in America can be confusing sometimes!
Many, many years ago When I was twenty-four, I got married to a widow, Pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter With flowing hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. Now my daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy. I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother to the widow's grown-up-daughter Who, of course, was my stepmother.
CONFUSED??... Relax... Go ahead..
My Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son, My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!
-end-
-courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
Many, many years ago When I was twenty-four, I got married to a widow, Pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter With flowing hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. Now my daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy. I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother to the widow's grown-up-daughter Who, of course, was my stepmother.
CONFUSED??... Relax... Go ahead..
My Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son, My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!
-end-
-courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
Friday, February 13, 2009
Value of doing business with ICICI Bank
Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs 5 lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?"
"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.
"One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the car loan to them too this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."
Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years, Mona pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you hug me?"
Rajiv answers, "We are saved, they'll definitely find us!"
-end-
*courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs 5 lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?"
"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.
"One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the car loan to them too this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."
Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years, Mona pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you hug me?"
Rajiv answers, "We are saved, they'll definitely find us!"
-end-
*courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Cricket in Heaven
Sachin and Ganguly, 75 and 80 years old respectively are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about cricket, like they do every day. Sachin turns to Sourav and says, "Do you think there's cricket in heaven?"
Ganguly thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal. If I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's cricket in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."
They shake on it and sadly a few months later, poor Sachin passes away.
One day Ganguly is sitting there feeding the pigeons when he hears a voice whisper, "Sourav, Sourav!"
Ganguly responds, "Sachin! Is that you?"
"Yes," whispers Sachin's ghost.
Ganguly asks, "So, is there cricket in heaven?" "Well," says Sachin, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Ganguly.
Sachin says, "Well there is cricket in heaven." Ganguly says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"
Sachin sighs and whispers, "You and me, We are going to open the innings on Friday."
-end-
*coutesy of http://www.funtoosh.com/
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
My Little Angel's Tea
One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe two and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little tea set as a get-well gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of tea, which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my mom came home. My dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was "just the cutest thing." My mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for daddy, and she watches him drink it.
Then my mom talks to my dad, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"
-end-
*courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
*photo by http://tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:Ir4PGuh5neJZPM:http://blogs.hgtv.com/hgtv/etips/tea%2520stick.jpg
Monday, February 2, 2009
How Indian Mind Works
An Indian man walks into a bank in
New York City and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business
for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank
will need some form of security for the loan,
so the Indian man hands over the keys
and documents of new Ferrari parked
on the street in front of the bank.
He produces the title and everything checks out.
The loan officer agrees to accept
the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers
all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian
for using a $250,000 Ferrari
as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then
drives the Ferrari into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Indian returns,
repays the $5,000 and the interest,
which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says,
"Sir, we are very happy to have had your business,
and this transaction has worked out very nicely,
but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away,
we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000" ?
Ah, the mind of the Indian...
This is why India is shining
-photo by http://www.auto-power-girl.com/high-resolution-wallpapers/novitec-ferrari-599-gtb-fiorano/novitec-rosso-ferrari-599-gtb-fiorano-2008-1.jpg
Sunday, February 1, 2009
A Violinist in the Metro
- A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousands of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
- Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried on to meet his schedule.
- A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.
- A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again.. Clearly he was late for work.
- The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.
- In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
- No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.
- Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats averaged $100.
- This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people.
- The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour:
- Do we perceive beauty?
- Do we stop to appreciate it?
- Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?
- One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:
- If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?
- THINK ABOUT IT!!
-forwarded by e-mail-
-author unknown-
*photo by http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:NzpUYhHpziO9kM:http://violinvictoria.com/yahoo_site_admin/assets/images/vladstudio_violin_800x600.201162904_std.jpg
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Funny Matrimonial Ads
Life without a laugh is like cold without a cough. ha,ha! Just kidding, but have a look some hilarious lines how different men from differnt professions say when they are looking for a wife.....
* FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.
* SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and a successful carrer!
* ECONOMIST
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.
* MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.
* IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency.
* POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society................. (etc
etc and never getting to the point)
* CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition.
* FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.
* LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any
objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.
* PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!
* BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
* ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl - 5'8' & 34' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.
* BUILDER
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the groundup.
* DOCTOR
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.
* ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass, She who dares wins.
* RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace!
* ASTRONAUT
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!
*courtesy by: http://www.funtoosh.com/
* FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.
* SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and a successful carrer!
* ECONOMIST
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.
* MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.
* IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency.
* POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society................. (etc
etc and never getting to the point)
* CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition.
* FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.
* LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any
objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.
* PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!
* BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
* ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl - 5'8' & 34' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.
* BUILDER
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the groundup.
* DOCTOR
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.
* ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass, She who dares wins.
* RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace!
* ASTRONAUT
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!
*courtesy by: http://www.funtoosh.com/
New Windows messages for Microsoft Windows XP!
BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
User Error: Replace user.
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
*courtesy by: http://www.funtoosh.com/
COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
User Error: Replace user.
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
*courtesy by: http://www.funtoosh.com/
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Good Old Days
Grandpa Aaron was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular...
"When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, and a magazine, some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!
The Grandson said sadly ..."You can't DO that any more...they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look......"
*courtesy by: http://www.funtoosh.com/
"When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, and a magazine, some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!
The Grandson said sadly ..."You can't DO that any more...they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look......"
*courtesy by: http://www.funtoosh.com/
Bad Hearing
A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be, what should I do?"
The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?"
He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again.
Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Again, no answer.
Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for supper?"
She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf idiot.
*courtesy by: http://www.funtoosh.com/
A Random Joke
Saddam Hussain approached God and asked him, "When will peace return to my country?"
God answered, "You can never see peace in your country during your lifetime."
Saddam wept bitterly and walked away.
Nawaz Sharif approached God and asked,"When can I see a united Pakistan with Kashmir?"
God said,"You can never annex Kashmir during your life time." Sharif wept and walked away.
Laloo Prasad approached God and asked, "When will Bihar become a civilised state?"
God wept bitterly and said,"I can never see that happening during my life time."
*courtesy by: http://www.funtoosh.com
God answered, "You can never see peace in your country during your lifetime."
Saddam wept bitterly and walked away.
Nawaz Sharif approached God and asked,"When can I see a united Pakistan with Kashmir?"
God said,"You can never annex Kashmir during your life time." Sharif wept and walked away.
Laloo Prasad approached God and asked, "When will Bihar become a civilised state?"
God wept bitterly and said,"I can never see that happening during my life time."
*courtesy by: http://www.funtoosh.com
Bob and Larry
Two buddies, Bob and Larry, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Larry throws up all over himself.
"Oh, no ... Now my wife will kill me!
Bob says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually Larry stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!"
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Larry says, "Nowainaminit. I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me - he had one too many! And he juss koudin hold hizz liquor. He said he was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!
His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty bucks."
"Oh, yeah ... I almost fergot. He shhhit in my pants, too.
courtesy by: http://www.funtoosh.com/
THE KISS
A young soldier and his commanding officer board a train headed through the mountains of Switzerland. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young man and the young woman are interested in each other because they are giving each other "looks." Soon, the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young soldier to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
The commanding officer is sitting there, thinking, "I didn't know the young soldier was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"
The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the soldier kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"
The young soldier sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He though to himself: "Life is good. When does a fellow have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his commanding officer all at the same time!"
-end-
-author unknown-
*Photo by: http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:VK8A6qVfmMBo2M:http://i117.photobucket.com/albums/o64/thealice/kiss_lips.jpg
HERE WE GO AGAIN
An 85-year-old man marries a lovely 25-year-old woman. Because her new husband is so old, the woman decides that on their wedding night, they should have separate suites.
She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After the festivities, she prepares herself for bed and for the knock of the door she is expecting.
Sure enough, the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night.
After a few minutes, there's a knock on the door and there the old guy is again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, she consents to further coupling which is again successful after which the octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is certainly ready for slumber at this point and is close to sleep for the second time when there is another knock at the door and there he is again fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for more.
Once again, they do the horizontal boogie. As they're laying in afterglow, the young bride says to him, "I am really impressed that a guy your age has enough juice to go for it three times. I've been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one."
The old guy looks puzzled and turns to her and says, "Was I already here?"
-end-
-author unknown-
She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After the festivities, she prepares herself for bed and for the knock of the door she is expecting.
Sure enough, the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night.
After a few minutes, there's a knock on the door and there the old guy is again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, she consents to further coupling which is again successful after which the octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is certainly ready for slumber at this point and is close to sleep for the second time when there is another knock at the door and there he is again fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for more.
Once again, they do the horizontal boogie. As they're laying in afterglow, the young bride says to him, "I am really impressed that a guy your age has enough juice to go for it three times. I've been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one."
The old guy looks puzzled and turns to her and says, "Was I already here?"
-end-
-author unknown-
Monday, January 12, 2009
Chewing Gum
A gum-chewing American and a Frenchman are sitting together in a restaurant. The American feel really proud to be an American, so he starts a conversation.
He asks the Frenchman, "When you eat bread, do you eat all of it?"
"Mais oui! of course!," responds the Frenchman.
"Well," says the American, "we only eat the soft part of it. The rest we collect in containers, take to a factory and put through a mill. What comes out are little breads that we sell in France."
"And what about steaks?" he continues, "Do you eat all parts of them?"
"Bien sur! We do," replies the Frenchman.
"You don't say!" says the American, grinning. "We don't! We only eat the meaty part of the steak. The greasy part we collect in containers, take to a factory, put through a mill, and what comes out are little steaks we sell in France."
Now the Frenchman is really riled. So he asks, "And what do Americans do with their used condoms?"
"Hey, we throw them away of course," says the American.
"Ha!" exclaims the Frenchman. "We collect them in containers, take them to a factory and put through a mill. What comes out is chewing gum that we sell in America!"
-end-
-author unknown-
*Photo by: http://www.esanda.com/common/images/homepage/bubbleGum.jpg
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Between Two Angels
There stood in a garden a child sweet and fair,
Watching some fruit that hang ripening there.
Two anxious angels were watching from above,
One gazing in hatred, the other in love;
The child never dreamed that the angels were there.
He just longed for the fruit so rich and so rare.
How I should like that big apple so red,
But I cannot forget what my dear mother said,
That doing the things forbidden to do
Would make me unhappy and grieve her heart, too.
"Take it," the dark angel whispered, "and eat it.
It is not very often you get such a treat.
There is no one to see you and no one to tell."
So up went a hand, it could reach the fruit well.
Again there's a whisper...sweet, gentle and low.
"You know you're dear mother told you though no one is nigh,
But Jesus can see you from heaven on high."
But the child paused a moment and said as he smiled,
"I'll not be a thief; I'll be a good child."
The rustling sound stirred the soft summer air.
One angel was gone, but the other was still there.
The angel of darkness had taken its flight.
The child was alone with the angel of light.
In this little story, we plainly can see
An everyday lesson for you and me.
We can conquer temptations - the angel of night,
If we listen to conscience - the angel of light!
Watching some fruit that hang ripening there.
Two anxious angels were watching from above,
One gazing in hatred, the other in love;
The child never dreamed that the angels were there.
He just longed for the fruit so rich and so rare.
How I should like that big apple so red,
But I cannot forget what my dear mother said,
That doing the things forbidden to do
Would make me unhappy and grieve her heart, too.
"Take it," the dark angel whispered, "and eat it.
It is not very often you get such a treat.
There is no one to see you and no one to tell."
So up went a hand, it could reach the fruit well.
Again there's a whisper...sweet, gentle and low.
"You know you're dear mother told you though no one is nigh,
But Jesus can see you from heaven on high."
But the child paused a moment and said as he smiled,
"I'll not be a thief; I'll be a good child."
The rustling sound stirred the soft summer air.
One angel was gone, but the other was still there.
The angel of darkness had taken its flight.
The child was alone with the angel of light.
In this little story, we plainly can see
An everyday lesson for you and me.
We can conquer temptations - the angel of night,
If we listen to conscience - the angel of light!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM
two travelling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. the family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. instead, the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. as they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. when the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, "Things aren't always what they seem."
the next night, the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. after sharing what little food they had, the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they have a good night's rest. when the sun came up the next morning, the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field. the younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel, "how could you have let this happen? the first man had everything, yet you helped him," she accused. "the second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die."
"things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "when we stayed in the basement of the mansion, i noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, i sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. then last night as we slept in the farmer's bed, the angel of death came for his wife. i gave him the cow instead. things aren't always what they seem."
sometimes, that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. if you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. you might not know it until some time later.
-end-
-author unknown-
the next night, the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. after sharing what little food they had, the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they have a good night's rest. when the sun came up the next morning, the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field. the younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel, "how could you have let this happen? the first man had everything, yet you helped him," she accused. "the second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die."
"things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "when we stayed in the basement of the mansion, i noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, i sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. then last night as we slept in the farmer's bed, the angel of death came for his wife. i gave him the cow instead. things aren't always what they seem."
sometimes, that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. if you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. you might not know it until some time later.
-end-
-author unknown-
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
