Two pandits from the local mandir were standing by the side of the road, putting a sign into the ground that reads:
"The End Is Near! Turn Yourself Around Now -- Before It's Too Late!"
As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"
From the curve, they heard screeching tires and a big splash.
One pandit turns to other and asks,
"Do you think the sign should just say 'Bridge Out'?"
-courtesy of www.funtoosh.com
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Enthusiasm
When William Garrison was fighting against slavery, his friend Samuel May said to him, "Friend, do try to keep more cool; why are you all on fire?"
Garrison replied, "Brother May, I have need to be all on fire, for I have mountains of ice about me to melt."
-from the book, "More Anecdotes of the Great" by J.Maurus
Sunday, March 7, 2010
The Three Letter Agencies
Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Mr. Alan Pinkerton.
The function that Pinkerton established actually was the beginning of the Secret Service.
Since that time federal police authority has grown to a large number of three-letter agencies - FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA. Now comes a proposal for another agency: The "Airport Security Service."
Can't you see it now, the new service in their black outfits with their initials in large white letters across their backs?
courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
The function that Pinkerton established actually was the beginning of the Secret Service.
Since that time federal police authority has grown to a large number of three-letter agencies - FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA. Now comes a proposal for another agency: The "Airport Security Service."
Can't you see it now, the new service in their black outfits with their initials in large white letters across their backs?
courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
US Government Business Policy
It is the month of June, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The Butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.
The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town prostitute that in these hard times, gave her services on credit.
The prostitute runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.
No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.
courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The Butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.
The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town prostitute that in these hard times, gave her services on credit.
The prostitute runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.
No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.
courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
A Very Simple Operation
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, “What’s the matter?”
He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.”
“She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?”
“She wasn’t talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!”
courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.”
“She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?”
“She wasn’t talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!”
courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
Monday, December 28, 2009
The Deadly Sneeze
Adolf Hitler was conducting a General Staff meeting, when somebody sneezed.
"Who was that!?" shouted Hitler, whirling around from a wall map of Europe. Nobody said anything.
"I see," he said, "I will have 10 of you shot. And maybe then you will tell me who sneezed?"
A Gestapo agent took 10 people out of the room. Shots were heard, then silence.
"I will ask again," yelled Hitler, "who sneezed?" Again, nobody said anything.
"Very well," he said, "I will have another 10 of you shot!"
The Gestapo agent escorted 10 more people out of the room and executed them.
"For the very last time," screamed Hitler, "Who sneezed?"
Finally the guilty officer could stand no more. He stood up and said, "It was me, I am the one who sneezed."
Hitler slowly approached the shaking officer and said, "God Bless you."
courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
"Who was that!?" shouted Hitler, whirling around from a wall map of Europe. Nobody said anything.
"I see," he said, "I will have 10 of you shot. And maybe then you will tell me who sneezed?"
A Gestapo agent took 10 people out of the room. Shots were heard, then silence.
"I will ask again," yelled Hitler, "who sneezed?" Again, nobody said anything.
"Very well," he said, "I will have another 10 of you shot!"
The Gestapo agent escorted 10 more people out of the room and executed them.
"For the very last time," screamed Hitler, "Who sneezed?"
Finally the guilty officer could stand no more. He stood up and said, "It was me, I am the one who sneezed."
Hitler slowly approached the shaking officer and said, "God Bless you."
courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
Arrested for Laughing
This is from an actual trial in the UK, A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing, She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'
The case was dismissed!
courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing, She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'
The case was dismissed!
courtesy by www.funtoosh.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
